SEE-SAW LIFE 👵-👨🦰-👩🦳
This blog of mine is about the century old problem which exists and going strong in each and every household even today.
I was reading this news about the ongoing feud between Victoria Beckham( SUPER RICH- THE BECKHAMS” and Nicole Peltz (the DAUGHTER FROM A BILLIONARE FAMILY)”.
What caught my attention was the regular MIL- DIL feud. The more richer the family, the clashes starts for the most silliest thing to take it a level of feud where it reaches a point of no return. Once the quarrel sets in next the big leader the “EGO” steps in. Where there is this the big “EGO” playing the important role then there are very minimal to zero chances of any reconciliation to happen between the families.
My mind started spinning thoughts and I ended up weaving a small story based on this news in my imagination.
This story is set in a middle class or slightly upper middle class household.
Irrespective of being a (AAA) not all have a smooth transition from being a mother to become a MIL. This blog is based on this assumption of mine.
Maneka woke up to different morning. The reason being, her son was going to get married within the next few days. Maneka was excited to be promoted as a MIL. She has been going strong in her role as a Mother, wife, Daughter, Sister and a DIL till ow in her life journey. To be a MIL was an unexplored territory for her. She was excited equally to play the new role.
Maneka had seen both her mother and MIL’s smooth transitioning to their new role as MIL when their respective wards got married. Each and every MIL has the same role, but, the adjustments and understanding is completely different for each and everyone.
Maneka as a young girl was brought up in a conservative family. Her parents belonged to an old school of thinking. She was married to a family where the sentiments totally synced with her own family. Due to the conservative upbringing while growing up as a young girl she had to face both and good and bad experiences. There were both bitter and sweet memories for her to remember.
Her personal experiences as a DIL had made her make a set of 6 principles to be followed by her. When the new member enters their household she wanted to avoid any conflict from the very beginning. She had decided to strictly adhere to those rules as and to be a good MIL.
Maneka had an arranged marriage. The first thought that came to her was to give them the freedom to her wards to choose the life partner of their choices. She strongly felt it was their life and they should be given the choice to select a life partner on their own to lead a happy life.
Caste ,creed and language should not be a deciding factor for the alliance.
Accept the whoever the chosen girl/boy is happily and wholeheartedly
To accept and align with the new changes that will happen in her daily routine as a MIL. She was sure there will be a lots of changes small though to adjust and align to when a new member enters the family.
In the name of family traditions she chose not to put any rules to be followed by the new incoming member.
Not to enforce any kitchen rules irrespective of whether her DIL was aware of cooking and household chores or not.
Basically to be friendly MIL was her Motto. She never felt the need to think about the adjustments to be made with her son, as she was confident about the strong bond she had shared with him.
Coming to my blog, Maneka was excited as the D-day of her son marrying a girl of his choice had arrived successfully.
She could adapt to the rules she had decided to follow during the marriage phase of her grownup children. Due to this she could sense a feeling of content.
All said and done. The wedding got over peacefully. Believe it or not!!!!Maneka managed to win the hearts of not only the Girl, but, her extended family too. Thrilled by these developments Maneka thought the set of principles she had set was the reason behind all the appreciations she could manage to win.
Nothing more to worry, becoming a good MIL is not that hard, she thought in her mind.
As a newly marrieds, life was smooth for both MILand DIL. The very fact they were not living together made it all more easier to form a good bonding. But, but, can maintaining the relationships be so easier like we think?….🤔.
Though her son and Dil stayed in different city , there were occasions where slowly Maneka had to visit them. During such visits she realised that things are not easy as she thought it to be. The reason was not because of ego or about adjustments being made in daily routine. Guess what? The reason was about invading “THEIR SPACE n THEIR PRIVACY”where even a rocket cannot be launched. Like I had mentioned earlier, Maneka never thought on these lines of privacy and space. Because, those days privacy for a couple meant being within a closed room to have their conversations.
And that was an accepted rule by all and everyone. In today’s times privacy no longer is restricted to a room. It’s about couple left alone in their own and whole house with no intervention, disturbances, discussions and contribution in their conversations whatsoever at any given time. This way of thinking was new for Maneka to process in her mind.
Initially she couldn’t figure out the coldness developing in their bonding. Experiences teaches one everything.Isn’t it?. There were many instances where she could have realised this fact. LOL! her motherly instincts didn’t allow her understand.
It so happened that she wanted to visit her son and Dil for a weekend. As she had some personal family function to attend too. When she conveyed to her son as usual about her impending visit, her son asked her duration of her stay with them. She replied may be for a week. At once her son replied saying that weekend is okay, but weekdays are kinda tough for them. Maneka was unable to understand the reason behind his reply. When she wanted to clarify, her son replied as they both are WFH. there is a space crunch in the apartment. Therefore it becomes difficult to work for both of them.
Being a AAA ( Adjusting, Aligning, and Accommodating) person, Maneka couldn’t understand what he meant. With a confused thoughts on how her presence will be of hindrance to them, she asked the reason behind his reply. Her son replied that indeed she is very adjusting and understanding totally, but, there are times, when they are deprived of their space and privacy when there is a presence of additional person in the house with them. Hence, their work and workspace gets affected. This was the reason for not encouraging her to stay for longer time he explained to her. It becomes tough for them to adjust in their small apartment.
Though tone of the reply was not rude, still it was like a bolt from the blue for Maneka. She couldn’t process this reality in her mind. She thought this is not the correct time to argue and take a stand for herself. She strongly felt that time will not only be a healer and also a teacher too. With lots of thoughts and confusion in her mind she carried on with her routine.
Weekend came and Maneka did visit her Son and DIL. Both of them were very welcoming and they had a totally great time together. But, still Maneka was waiting for the day where she will see her Son and Dil with some empathy and an understanding.
You all must be wondering, why she cannot talk and get the problem solved instantly. Empathy and compassion are emotions which has to come naturally, cannot be taught. Like I mentioned above she had firm belief that, Time is a healer!!! it will take some time but the end will be smooth and positive. This is what she had learnt from, GUESS WHO ???her MIL🤪🤪🤪🤪.
Maneka has learnt one thing for sure from these small incidents. She will advise her daughter not to follow this “SPACE and PRIVACY” code whenever she gets married. How far Maneka is going to be realise this is a big question mark???.
Of all the relationships between two people in a family be it
Mother-Father, Parents- Children, Brother-Brother, Brother-Sister, Sister-Sister, FIL-DIL, SIL-DIL,BIL- SIL etc all are manageable.
The toughest relationship to navigate is the smooth sailing between the MIL-DIL 😂.
The reason for this is simple. One man is the common factor between both the Women.
A Son who learnt walking holding her hand( Mom). The other hand whose he was holding to walk rest of his life(Wife).
Mother- Son/Husband- Wife . This is the most toughest equation to be solved since ages. When Son (the common factor between both the women) tilts on any one side more than normal the problem starts. When there is a balance maintained by him between both the women he loves then there is a less of a conflict and rift .
The bottom line is “TWO IS A COMPANY, but, THREE IS A CROWD”🤔.
What do you all think will be a solution for Maneka’s dilemma?
It would be nice to hear your comments on this issue which cannot be neither ignored nor hated.
Subscribe, comments and likes are most welcome from the audience
Hmm... I would like to read a second part of this and see how you solve it. :)
What’s shifting here isn’t affection, but the meaning of presence. That's a very sharp insight. Beautifully written 🤍